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| Two weekends ago on October 10th, me and 2 friends decide to hike up a 14000 ft above sea level mountain about 40 miles west of Denver. Weather was snowy, but not miserable. As I climb up to the peak, I somehow separated from my friends. I had to hike down by myself and foolishly took a very difficult route to go down. As I was hiking down, I came upon a slippery area, and couldn't stop myself from sliding down. I gain so much speed I began to tumble and hit my head rock after rock. My body was taking a beating from the tumbling and I finally managed to stop. I blacked out and just laid at that spot for couple minutes. I managed to wake myself up and slowly got up. I had a dislocated shoulder on my right side, so I had to use my left hand to get up. I tried getting my backpack on my shoulder, but I couldn't balance myself properly with my right shoulder dislocated. I sacrificed my pack with all my supplies. I grabbed my wallet and my cell phone for emergency reasons. I had no other pockets to store any other material. I was halfway down the mountain, and decided to push myself to get myself to the bottom. As I was hobbling down the mountain with an injured shoulder, it was a very painful hike. My knees were banged up from the tumble, which made it difficult to hike. By sundown, I only made it to the bottom of the mountain, but still had 2 more miles to hike. I had no vision, and so I decided to wait until morning to continue hiking.
At that moment, I was still brutally in pain. The temperature felt about 25 degrees. I couldn't sit on top of the snow because all it did was made my body become cold, so I tried sitting on top of a rock. I tried to lay down, but then I notice a sharp pain in the back. The pain was due to a fractured rib on my right back. As I sat there for about an hour, my feet started to become really cold. I knew that if I left my foot in my wet shoes and socks, they would suffer from frostbite quickly. I removed my shoes and socks and used my gloves to place on my feet to warm up. Another hour past by, and it became 10PM. The temperature dropped to about 20 degrees. At this moment, my foot couldn't keep warm at all. My hands were starting to suffer from frostbite also. I thought I couldn't hang out here much longer, I had to keep going. I tried putting my wet shoes on, but my wet shoes froze up and became very difficult to put on my feet. As painful as it was, I forced my feet in my icy shoes. I pushed my way to get up and started hiking in the dark. I took 50 steps until I collapse. My feet couldn't take the pain from the hike and I felt like I wouldn't make it to the parking lot until I had some light to know where I was exactly going. I decided to use my pants as a cover to sit on top of above the snow. I took off my shoes again, and my feet were beginning to freeze up. At this moment is when thoughts were in my head.
Sitting at that spot, I thought, when is help going to get me? Am I going to die? What is my family thinking right now? I thought about part of the boy scout oath in my head, to be morally strong. At that moment, it was difficult to be morally strong. I was in so much pain, and my body was suffering from hypothermia. I was scanning around and I saw a cliff. I actually had the thought in my head to go up that cliff and commit suicide. I really didn't want to endure the pain I was in, but I knew I had to hold strong. My body didn't let me go to sleep because I was in so much pain. My feet were in so much pain from the frostbites. I was very helpless at that spot. As hour by hour passed, my body was suffering worse and worse. I managed to survive until 7AM where the temperature got a little bit warmer. I decided to push myself again and begin hiking. I stuff my frozen feet in my cold shoes and began hiking. I had no socks since my socks were wet and then became frozen. I would go about 500 feet and then rest to take off my shoes to warm up my feet. After 15 min of warming up, I would put my frozen shoes back on and continue hiking. When it became 8AM, I saw a chopper flew above me. That is when my nightmare ended.
Reflecting back at this incident, there was the possibility that I was going to commit suicide, but escaped it. I managed to live through this harsh moment, endure all the pain I went through, and only suffered injuries that are recoverable. Now when I think about life, all the little pain we go through, there's a reason why they are petty pain. In the past, I let these small little painful moments get to my head. Now, these small painful moments can't compare to what I gone through. The experience has definitely made me a stronger person. But I always think back, I really could have chosen to die.
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| What is going to happen to me? 2 months ago, Lockheed gave me the WARN notice to look for another position. There was no budget in my current program to afford me. Previously, anyone who received this notice never had trouble looking for another position in the comapny. Only problem about now, two big pograms were cut off and forced employees to find another job. Many jobs were available and many found another spot. Here is where my problem comes in. I am in the second lay off wave and it was my turn to look for another position. Every employee is given a central manager who looks for work available. I speak to him, and he tells me there are no open positions available. Majority of the positions were absorbed from the first two program cuts. Having couple conversation with my manager, he provided me no positive feedback. This is when I realize, I'm in deep shit.
The toughest thing to get out of my head is...why did they lay me off? I hear all these rumors about low performances and they wanted to get rid of the young guys. Why would the company spend 30K for me to earn my MBA, and then take the risk and lay me off? Why when there was a claim that they wanted to lay off a lot of the young guys and by the numbers, there were minimal layoffs of young guys and majority of the seniors? There's a lot of things that are happening behind the scenes in the company, why certain individuals get laid off when others don't that are unjust. Many of the things were out of my control, and I was given the shit end of the stick. There were certain key moves I should have made through my 3 years working in the company, and things are played out the way they are now. The hostility is still within me, and it'll take me a while for me to forget about this.
What is happening now? Last week of my 2 month WARN notice and my central manager is better off not being my central maanger. I knew couple high level employees that gave me the connection to the managers in Denver. I got connected with them and implied I had interest in their program. Luckily they were staffing up a group. After a phone interview, they handed me an offer sheet. It was couople days until I'm officially laid off. Do I take the job or not? I was very uncertain how the job market will be for me if I get laid off. Many of the open positions wanted 5 year experience in software where I only had 3 years. There are a lot of personal reasons why I want to stay with Lockheed Martin, so I decided to take it.
Denver? I dread cold weather. I am a terrible snowboarder. I have yet to visit Denver. Lets not forget, I have never lived in an area where asians are a minority. This will be a huge culture change. I'm leaving back so many things in California. I have to put my MBA and MSE on hold. SJSU told me that taking courses from other schools would not be equivalent. I would have to come back for my MBA and MSE when I get that chance to move back.
Is this a good move? There are so many thoughts I have in my head. What if I did decide to get laid off and search outside Lockheed, will I find something? How am I going to handle my house? Even at this moment, I'm asking what do I do. I can never answer anyones questions asking whether I'm excited or not. The only thing I can tell people right now is, I think this is the right choice, and I'm taking a chance that things will go well. | | |
| Its probably the half way point of this year and I feel like sharing myself to the public. I just finished a great week of TT9, the scouting jamboree where this year happened to be in King City northern california. Being one of the key members of the staff was awesome. From all the feedback we been getting, seems like the staff did a good job. It is great knowing all the work I helped in played a big part on a very enjoying week.
Although the week off work was fun, I end up going back to work where I'm in a horrible situation. For a little intro, I received a WARN notice on June 25th that within 60 days, my position will be terminated unless I find another position in the company. There's a little trickery that is played, and the manager keeps on telling me that I should be looking for another job, but at the same time, he tells me that many people have received these notices before, and still end up in the same position. Soooo, do I spend my time working hard in hopes I still have my job? Or should I spend my time looking for another position? At this moment, I'm trying to do both, and it's tough figuring out how to do things since I don't know what's going to happen in a month from now. At this moment, I have a job for about another 40 days, but I'm unsure if I will still continue my job. My job search hasn't been sucessful.
What is the down part of this? I have a house and I'm in school being supported by Lockheed. How will I pay for my house? How will I continue school? All questions this are uncertain. At this moment, I don't feel comfortable about anything, until I'm more settled with a job. I wil leave this entry like this, but this is how I'm feelign right now.
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| I have to start off this year with a good entry. It is now 2009, 2008 was wayyyy too crazy. I don't even know where to start. I'll try to summarize the crazy moments I will always remember. First off, I am a new home owner. Sadly, I find myself browsing through bed bath and beyond and home depot catalogs . I go into people's homes and I notice how people decorate their place and the color of their homes. I'm still working on my master's program and my life will continue to be doomed for another year and a half. My work required me to do 20% OT, which means couple weekend work days. I haven't taken a vacation since Hong Kong in 2007. A trip to Taiwan would be my next destination. Since owning a house, the question that people seem to ask me, when am I going to get married? Marriage??? What are you thinking??? I do get really irritated when choosing decor for my house and a wife would really help me out. But then again, still holding certain Catholic values, I don’t want to go through a divorce, so I know I’ll have to spend some time with a girl to know that she is the one. No pressure on finding one, but that question seems to be one of the most asked questions of the year. A very up and down year with girls. Lets just say, I hate them, but I love them. Finally…throw away my contacts. Next Friday, I’m gonna go through lasik surgery. This week, nerd mode, going to work with my glasses. No contacts for a week. We’ll see how it goes. Not exactly 2008 news, but just wanted to mention it.. I get annoyed with this concept of New Year’s Resolution. People have these goals: “Exercise more, not be late to class, try harder in school” and they never go through with them. Why make them in the first place?? I feel like you always need to make resolutions. Not let New Year’s be an excuse to do it just for the sake of making up some BS goals which you wish to do and not do it. Here are the goals I’m working on: Maintain a B in every master’s course I take. Get fat and weigh more than 182 by late March. Then lose all the weight to my marathon to 160 in the fall. I’ve always had a flaw with communicating with people, which prevents me from talking with people. Somehow continue on working on my communication skills. A new goal I never made before, try to keep a positive attitude. I know I have more, but this entry is getting longer then I thought. Hope everyone for a good 2009. | | |
| This will be my marathon summary of how I train. Very long, and if you are interested, you can read. If not, don't worry about it. My marathon log This Sunday, I will be running my very first marathon, Silicon Valley Marathon. I started training 3 1/2 months ago, and I'm pretty confident, but very unsure how things will turn out. The most I ran was a month ago, and that was a little under 22 miles. It is very interesting how I transition from before I train til now. I was 182 lbs before and now I weigh162 lbs. Those who see me now from couple months ago know I don't look the same. Some people ask me how I started. I, like many other people out there, hated running. I enjoyed swimming laps in the pool, but running just plain sucks. I know one day, I want to be able to do a triathalon, and if things play out good, compete in an Ironman (really big long shot). To get to that stage, I know I needed to run, so what else but to train for a marathon. Having parents that do ultra marathons has been a big help. They gave me a lot of information and tips. My mom told me what gear I needed. For example, runners experience chafing. It is when the rubbing of your clothing and skin causes irritation and bleeds. This happens for me most around my nipple area (yes, my nipples get pretty red and start scabbing later). She recommended dry fit shirts. She also told me to get a pair of Therlos socks to prevent blisters. She told me I needed 2 pairs of shoes so the shoe I run in race day still has cushioning. I didn't know what kind of shoes worked well for me, so I tested out the most popular Asic shoe, Nimbus, $110, which is for neutral runners. After running for couple days with the Nimbus, I started noticing some extreme pain on my bones. My friend told me about speciality running stores that tell you what shoe you need. I went all the way to San Carlos to the Road runner store. They had those cool machines where they tell you how you run. Some 18 year old kid was the one who helped me out. He looked pretty shaddy and didn't seem that caring about things. He told me to walk across and make sure I step on this plastic sheet. Then a picture of my foot showed up on the screen with pressure points of where I plant my foot. Then the treadmill machine, he told me to run on the machine bare foot. A camera filmed me for 30 seconds displaying my foot placement. At the end of both test, he made the assumption that I was a neutral runner and I had the correct shoe. I really didn't want to believe him, but I ran on with my injuries anyways. After a week of running, I started getting major injuries. I talked to some friends at work, and they recommended a guy at the New Balance store in Santa Row name Winston. He is a japanese guy that is a certified pediatrist. I went to see him, and right away, he knew I had on the wrong shoes. He sat down with me and told me everything about my foot placement and why I need a stability shoe because I'm an overpronator. He asked me what kind of shoes I like, and I told him Asics. For someone that works in a New Balance store, very strange he recommended me to get the Asics Kayano, $135. In a way, I knew he cared about me, and not just selling me a random shoe in his store. I went out and purchased the Kayanos at an REI store. They have a guarantee for members, if you use any item and not like it, you can return it, no questions ask. So I can test out a running shoe, and if it doesn't work out for me, I can return it. After running with it, they felt a lot better. I still felt some injuries, so I set another appointment with Winston and brought in those shoes. He told me that the injuries were from the other shoes. In addition to the shoe, he recommended me to get a pair of Superfeet Green insoles. Finally, after a month of trial and error with shoes and clothing, I got the gear I needed. I still felt my injuries I had from the first week, but they are healing slowly. I would do one long run a week, and fill the rest of the week with short runs. First week was 5 miles, and then increase 2 miles a week. I just went on my feel if I was overtraining and took a couple rest week if I needed to. Living off oatmeal almost every morning, glucosamine, multivitamins, sandwiches, and very limited alcohol, I'm probably in the best shape I have ever felt. I think I will do fine, but who knows. Side topic: There's a reason why Sarah Palin is pretty good looking. She is a marathon runner with a time of 3:59:36 which is insanely awesome. I know I will not come close to George Bush's 3:44:52 marathon time either. I do have a shot with Al Gore's time of 4:58:25. The time I'm shooting for is 4:25:00. Wish me luck. | | |
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